Marriage - magic and madness

Recently we were chatting with a set of married friends of ours. Soon, our discussion turned to how people change over a period of time – especially after marriage.

My hubby and I will soon complete four years of marriage and it seems unbelievable that we’ve been together for so long. And surprising still is how we have evolved as people and more importantly as spouses. So much that we barely recognize the guy/girl we married. Recently, I happened to browse through a mail my husband sent me a few months prior to our wedding and I was surprised – I couldn’t believe he wrote such lovely mails at one point in history! I think it is much the same for all couples – and this is not to say that we love them any less. In fact we tend to love and appreciate them more as time flies – but just that we change and settle down as life moves on.

So, here’s a quick guide on “How to know you have settled down as spouses”. This is a compilation of excerpts from conversations with friends - with lots of experience blended in.

Please Note:
- From now on “Before” means before you got married or a few days into marriage and “After” means a few years (or months – depending on the couple) after your marriage.
- This is from a wife’s point of view. Husbands – please feel free to let me know what you think !

1. Before: Phone calls lasted 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours or till your parents screamed at you.
After: Duration of calls – 17 seconds. Conversations become to-the-point:
“Have you sent the tax declaration form?”
“Yes”
”Ok- make sure you follow up on it”
”Yeah”
“Bye””Bye”

2. Before: E-mails were so long you had to use the scroll button at least 4 times to reach its last sentence.
After: Mails are like telegram – “wen u leaving ofis?” – that too written in the subject line!

3. Before: You could not keep your hands off each other.
After: “ Hmmmmm... could you move a bit? It’s very warm!”

4. Before: Your laughter seemed to light up his life .
After: “Will you please stop? There are people around us” (Phew!)

5. Before: Window shopping and you spot a lovely dress.
”Wow- isn’t that lovely?”
”That one? You want to check it out?”
After: “That is a nice dress”
”You know home loan interest rates are going up- don’t you?”

6. Before:
Where do u want me to put this chair – in this room or that?
“I’ll do it- don’t bother”
After:
“Where do you want me to put this chair – in this room or that?
”Yes”
“!!! Yes? What does that mean?”
“-------“
So much for selective hearing!

Yet we love and cherish them, don't we? I guess that is the magic of togetherness!
~RE

Saying what with colors?

I love Holi – the colors, the pichkaris, the mithai… Almost all my memories associated with Holi are those that bring a smile to my face. My husband, on the other hand, does not like Holi much. He just cannot understand how smearing each other with colors that take hours (and sometimes days) of scrubbing to get rid of, can be anyone’s idea of fun.

No wonder, he prefers to stay home on Holi. I give him company, because these days I do not trust the various kinds of colors available. The colors these days are a combination of god-knows-what-all. Yes, you could buy organic colors, but how can you trust that the multi-hued person who is going to smear you with something has got organic stuff? You can’t go around with a checklist on Holi, can you? So I thought I’d rather stay at home and watch “Rang barse” on television.

Yesterday, things were different. We had to go out for a function in the afternoon and we were getting ready, when a friend of ours came over with his friends, completely smeared in colors. He insisted we get out and let them put a bit of color on us. I would not have had a problem –except for two things: One, we had to leave in sometime and two; the colors would not go off by then. No way- these are “water colors”, “you can just wash them off”. The colors did not look like “water color” to me and I told them so, but they would not agree. Fine – there is no harm joining in a bit of fun for Holi, and they were not going to leave without us letting them put a bit of color on us, so we said ok. Well, “a little bit” was all over my face, and the moment I took some color to smear our friend with, I knew it was not going to be easy washing it off. :)

Worse was in store for my husband. They insisted he come out of the house, and when he did, they took an egg and smashed it on his head. Argh! Now from when is egg a part of Holi?

Well, I got back inside and tried to wash off the color at my wash basin – and I soon realized the big mistake I did. The entire area – including the walls and the floor - was purple now, and the more I tried to scrub it off, the stronger the color got! For my face - wow – I couldn’t make out where my eyes and nose where, all I could see was a blob of purple. Now, I was trying to scrub it off vigorously, because we needed to be somewhere in half an hour!

For the next one hour we scrubbed – I ACTUALLY used a ScotchBrite (and not the sponge-side) on my face – and I am not kidding. Then we scrubbed the washbasin, the bathroom floor – but the color remained as it was in the beginning.

When we used to play Holi as children, we too would go to our neighbors’ homes and ask them to join us. And if people did not join in after all the coaxing, cajoling and threatening – there were just two reasons: One, they had a genuine reason and two, they were not interested at all. (In either case, I fail to understand what fun it is to forcibly have color thrown at them.) If they would not relent, we would ask them if we could apply some color on their cheeks and they would agree, because that was an easier way to get away. So we could put a little gulal on their cheeks, wish them a happy Holi and go our way. We used to have so much fun even after respecting everybody’s feelings! I wonder why things have changed over the years, and unfortunately, changed for the worse, if this is how Holi is played these days.

Well, as of yesterday evening, this was what I was left with…

1. A made over bathroom with purple tiles.
2. A chance to visit someone, looking like the proverbial fox that fell into the dye.
3. A face that is red and burning – and I guess, breaking out into rashes as well.
4. A purple-tinged husband with well conditioned hair.

Hope your Holi was better!

Cheers!
~RE